There once was a man named Heart. He loved his beer, but especially his Firestone Walker Brewing Company IPA 12 Pack Mixers that he drank every night after a hard days work. He lived on his boat in Morro Bay and supplied freshly caught fish on a regular basis to the county. His refrigerated van kept his fish and beer nice and cold. He was half Native American and half Greek and was from the Chumash tribe who lived on the Central Coast at least 9000 years ago. His distant uncle was a Chief who watched over the land, animals and people of this coastal region. The 12 Pack was always available in SLO County and a staple for not just Heart, but most local IPA fans. The variety was perfect. It had hoppy, hazy, strong and citrusy always perfectly blended for any occasion. If he wasn’t at home on his boat, he always showed up to gatherings with the bottles and occasionally cans when he was looking for convenience. One day Heart realized that it was time to taste the real deal at the Firestone Brewery up the road in Paso Robles. The brewery was around 35 minutes away, so he finally made the time to take the trip. Heart was an incredible chef that would show up some of the best head chefs in the area. Everyone loved him because he always had the freshest fish delivered directly to your home or business. He drank beer with all of the fishermen on the docks and drank most of them under the table. When you have the best fish and a great personality, everyone buys from you. He was dialed in and deserved his IPAs at the end of the day and occasionally during.

Heart fished and hung out in the exact same place his ancestors did way back when. He has had a slip in Morro Bay since 1968 when they stopped blowing up Morro Rock to build the harbor. He watched the dynamite blow off chunks of the volcano plug that built the jetties. Heart was drinking beer, wine and whiskey heavily back then, catching fish nonstop and selling it to the local fish markets on the docks. He was born on the boat, being the only child to his parents Aurora and Stamos. Aurora was full Chumash and Stamos was one hundred percent Greek. They met in the Oceano Dunes about 35 minutes south of Morro Bay near Pismo Beach. Heart would head to sea for weeks at a time looking out for the big catches. Usually a day to 3 days was his routine. Ice and beer together was his middle name.

Firestone Walker Brewing Company, Paso Robles, CA

Heart had a green thumb and grew his own cannabis at a friends house. He loved indica, but grew mostly Sativa. At night he would drink beers and roll up doobies, listening to Steely Dan and Neil Young as he dozed off each night. “There is nothing better than an IPA and a fat joint” he used to always say. Heart was so excited to experience his favorite beers in person. Firestone Walker Brewing Company started working on their first craft beer, the Double Barrel Ale in 1996. When moving to Paso Robles in 2001, the trifecta of Adam Firestone, David Walker and Matt Brynildson made that beer and others turn into something people loved nationwide. Their first brewing efforts happened in a second-hand brewhouse with converted winemaking equipment. With locations in Paso Robles, Buelton and Venice, the brewery can rightfully so say they are a California Beer Company. Beer before Glory they say. Heart planned his trip for next Thursday, a day he took off sometimes, so he was not rushed, just ready for the beer experience of a lifetime.

As the water percolated, Heart pulled the carb and sucked up the thick smoke from the small bong coughing uncontrollably. The tube was milky and bound to make him cough his lungs out. It was 8am on Thursday the beer trip day and the bud was kicking in. He had coffee, herb and a cigarette when starting his day off every single morning. It was his ritual. As he was sucking and clearing the second bowl of chronic, the rush and kick literally made him fall out of his chair and onto some of the fish he caught the night before. He thought since he was going to drink beer later, he might as well get the process started. He pulled out a Firestone Union Jack bottle and used his lighter to pop it open. This was a dream day for Heart. The Sun was bright and the sky was crystal clear with no clouds after the rain from the night before. “Hey Heart, good morning.” his friend Harold hollered while walking on the dock. “You have any of that sticky icky?” “Of course, hop on!” Heart grinned. “I have a spliff already rolled, you down?” “I guess so!” Harold replied. Harold hopped on and sat on a cooler that Heart had set out for his fish and guests. Heart put the perfectly twisted joint in his mouth and lit it. The smoke was rising and the cherry was burning perfectly. As he inhaled, once again he coughed heavily and fell out of his seat, passing the doob to Harold on his way down. As Heart stood back up, he said, “This is Horse Whisper.”

Heart got back up just as Harold took three big puffs and passed it back. Heart’s vision went fuzzy but his mind seemed crystal clear. The sativa gave him a burst of insight and alertness. When speaking to Harold you would have thought Heart was a professor of fishing, beer and bud. Harold was feeling euphoric and was so grateful for Heart’s knowledge and spiritual offering. The two laughed and filled each other with joy and dynamic conversation. “You want a Mind Haze?” Heart asked Harold. “Sure, it’s a little early, but what the hell!” “I’m going to Firestone Brewery a little later, you want to go?” asked Heart. “I can’t, I have to go to the dentist.” “That sucks.” said Heart. “Oh no, I have a great one. Dr. Ryan McCall. He makes it fun and is a real professional.” “Ok, good to hear. I’ll have to check him out.” Heart and Harold had two more beers and two more Js and felt on top of the the world. It was now 9:30am and Harold had to get back to his boat so Heart was back to his original plan. He still had a few hours until he left and was buzzing pretty hard by this point. He decided to drink some water and then proceeded to open the cooler, take out a beer and pop open another Union Jack.

It’s been a few hours now and Heart was ready to hit the road. He was going to take PCH to the 41E to the 101N exiting 46W, taking a right on Green Valley Rd, making a quick left on Ramada Dr. and it’s on the right hand side, you can’t miss it, it’s huge. It was a clear and sunny day and he just got done packing two bowls into his bong named Montana. He grabbed his bluetooth speaker and put on Radar Love by Golden Earring from 1973 and blasted it out of the van’s speakers. He was high as Everest and the beer still existed in his system. The ocean was vibrating and Morro rock was glowing like it was ready to blow. He could see it radiating. The waves were big and the water was filled with surfers. He was driving slow and cautious but still trying to keep from swerving. As he made the right turn up the 41, the scenery was hills covered in Kermit the Frog green. It was a canyon with windy roads that he didn’t mind due to the beauty and ocean breeze blowing in through the car window. The song played on repeat the whole time and when getting to the 101, the drive so far was a blur, but the song transformed him into a fully charged beam of light shining in the van. He was rolling and as he pulled up, the song perfectly ended finding a parking spot right In front. He gathered himself, got out of the van and opened the doors to the taproom.

Right as Heart was about to walk in, he got a phone call. He pulled the phone out of his pocket, looked down and he had to pick it up. “Shit.” He quietly said to himself. It was an angry customer. “Hey Heart, we need to talk!” Heart’s buzz started dwindling instantly. “Hey Dave, what’s going on?” “I’ll tell you what’s going on! You gave me sea bass when you know I despise it. What the hell is the matter with you?” When Heart was waking and baking, he occasionally would miss the order notes and deliver the wrong items to his customers. It didn’t happen often but when it did, the customers were outraged. Heart felt the wrath and always needed to go back to the boat and fix the order, losing money each time it happened, so it was upsetting for both parties. “Dave, I’m so sorry. I’m actually at the Firestone-Walker Brewery getting ready to walk in, so can I bring you the right order in the morning.” “Ok, but don’t let it happen again.” Heart was relieved because he did not want to leave and he knew that Dave would know he had been smoking and drinking. Most customers didn’t know Heart was high often, but Dave could always tell and he didn’t like people smoking bud and working. “Ok, I will see you in the morning and have a beer for me today.” Dave calmly mentioned. “Will do. Again, I apologize.” Heart went from a day off to having to address his work and it wasn’t in a good way. As he got off the phone, his buzz went from really high to really low very fast. He couldn’t sit with it, so he went out to his van, packed a bowl and hotboxed his traveling refrigerator.

After hitting the bowl, Heart was ready to walk in. He put in some Visine, sprayed his Binaka into his mouth and put on some hand sanitizer to get rid of the bud smell. He opened the taproom doors and the hand sanitizer did not work very well. People smelled the aromas of the smoke, all smiling and giving Heart a wink. He smiled back and walked into this large and attractive room filled with fun looking people hanging out having a good time. The place was packed, but still cozy as Heart walked up to the dynamic bar and sat down. He was greeted by a man named Jeremy and Heart instantly felt welcome and at home. “Can I get something new please?” kindly asked Heart. He could smell the beer brewing and decided to look over to his right and to his surprise there was this beautiful woman in a red dress sitting next to him by herself. “Hello, I’m Heart.” “Hey Heart, I love your name. I’m Jenny. Where do you live?” “I live in Morro Bay, how about you?” Bart replied. “Shut up, so do I. I live down by the Embarcadero.” “What! I live on my boat on the slips in the harbor.” “No shit, I grew up in Morro Bay!” Jenny replied in awe. “So did I. I grew up on my boat, so I never really got out much other than delivering my fish to the county.” “You fish?” she said. “Yes, I’m a commercial fisherman and have my own business.” “No way!” she said. Things just started getting crazier and crazier and both were completely blown away by the connection they were having. “What’s your sign?” curiously asked Jenny. “I’m a Pisces.” “No way, so am I. When is your birthday?” respectfully and shockingly asked Heart. “March 10th, 1958.“ “What, that is my exact birthday to the year.” As they both drank their Mind Haze Cosmic Crusher the two were transported into this euphoric and magnetic energy that they both thought would ever be possible.

“Wow, this is juicy!” Heart voiced with a huge and confident smile. “Yes Sir, nice call! What do you think the alcohol is?” Heart tasted it again and said, “7.2!” “It’s actually 9.5!” Jeremy then looked at Heart and Jenny to see their reactions. “Wow that’s crazy. I get some nice pineapple and mango in here.” said Heart. “Again, nice call, you’re right on!” Heart finished his glass and said, “What else do you got for me?” Jeremy turned around poured the beer from the draft and offered him the Mind Haze Brain Melter. “I think you will like this Heart.” Feeling buzzed already from the Imperial IPA, Heart stood up and in a soft voice said, “Great, thank you. I’m going to step outside really quick, I’ll be right back.” As Heart was getting up, Jenny also got up and said, “I want to go with you.” Heart was hyped so they both went outside friendly holding hands. “You want a smoke?” Heart asked Jenny. She brightened up with a glow and said, “Yes, I haven’t had one in a while.” Heart walked over to his van and lit both of the cigarettes. While taking their second drag at the exact same time, Heart nervously asked Jenny, “Do you want to have dinner next week?” Without hesitation she said yes. After some far out conversation they put out their cigarettes in Heart’s van and headed back in.

As they walked back in and went back up to the bar, their beers had the perfect amount of head on them and were ready to smell and taste. “It’s tropically smooth and deliciously intense.” said Heart after taking his first sip. “It has wonderful hop aromas & lusciously smooth textures.” happily said Jenny. “Wow, you guys know your stuff!” Jeremy said impressed by their palates and ability to communicate the beer’s profile. “I like this one! Nice and strong.” Heart expressed. Jenny agreed as they both took another big sip at the same time. Heart and Jenny were definitely flirting by this point and Jenny was resting her hand on Heart’s leg, pretty close to his private part. He was getting the hint and his confidence grew fast just like his Johnson. They ordered another, finished it, paid and said goodbye, thanking Jeremy as they headed out the doors feeling euphoric from the beer and astrological connection. “Can I come with you Heart, I’m feeling pretty buzzed.” “Of course, let’s do it!” They hopped in the van and headed back to Morro Bay to Heart’s boat. When they arrived, Heart had some more Firestone in a cooler and offered Jenny a cold one. “I’ll be right back.” Heart said as he went into the cabin, grabbed a perfectly rolled joint and greeted Jenny with it. They lit it up, took a drag, a swig and instantly started making out right after their first hit and sip. They ended up making love on the bow and then ended up back with their beers and another American Spirit cigarette. Heart looked Jenny right in the eyes and said, “What a beer trip.” The End

Beer Trip

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