Bowl It Up!

There once were two couples that lived in Pismo Beach and San Luis Obispo. It was Stan and Sherry in Pismo and Frank and Cindy in SLO. They were all in their 50s and were the dearest of friends, getting together often to share their love of wine and food in the area. They were all wine lovers, but their real passion was bowling. Back in the day, they traveled around the country together bowling as a team, winning trophies and cash helping them move from tournament to tournament showing off their impressive group bowling and beer drinking skills. They loved bowling but were always disappointed when it came to the wine selection, if any at bowling alleys. They heard of a place up the road called Rancho Bowl that they always wanted to attend. They have never been because they always liked staying in the county and enjoyed bowling at Cal Poly and in Pismo. It was time for them to adventure down to Santa Maria and check out this historic bowling alley that dates back to 1959. They were hoping since they love Santa Maria Valley Pinot Noir, that a bowling alley in Santa Maria would have some decent wine. They would soon find out. So they hopped on the 101 in separate cars and made their way to Donovan Dr. the exit to get to the bowling alley. It didn't look like much from the outside, but once you got inside, it was a different story.

Back when the foursome used to compete in the 80s, they loved drinking beer while they were bowling. They would order pitchers after pitchers, dominating their opponents in the leagues and tournaments. They would all be stumbling around slurring their words but when they delivered that ball, it was all strikes. They had this magic bond and energy together that somehow allowed them to bowl perfect games one after the other while being totally buzzed. As they grew a little older, they did not have the ability to drink and bowl like they used to. They begin losing when they tried their old shenanigans and usually embarrassed themselves in front of civilized people that only had one or two beers. This is where wine came in. They started drinking wine at bowling alleys and getting in that zone again. Occasionally, they would find a decent bottle, but they usually ended up drinking whatever they had. It didn’t matter, good or bad, they reached that magic again. They only needed a couple of glasses and maybe a third and they suddenly got it all back. Strike after strike they sipped and impressed the other bowlers. Those bowlers always looked at them funny with their wine. Judgments were made, but it appeared like other people started seeing the connection between bowling and wine.

Rancho Bowl, Santa Maria, CA

To get a better idea of this deadly bowling foursome you have to get to know Stan. Stan was born and raised in Paso Robles and grew up working in his Dad’s vineyard called B12. B12 produced some of the best Syrah in Paso. Him and his Dad farmed the land creating a well-known vineyard brand on the Central Coast. Stan went to Cal Poly and majored in Ag business where he got connected with a job selling seed locally. He was a thirty year veteran spreading his seed across SLO County for years, although he did not have any kids. At least he hoped so. Stan was decent looking, but really skinny. He had big feet and a bigger than usual nose. Woman found it attractive because it reminded them of his private part. He made great money and was generous every time he went to the bar. Stan the Man they called him because he bought rounds for everyone each week. People would show up in crowds when they heard he was coming in. People knew he loved to bowl and he loved to drink. Budweiser on draft was his choice at the bar, so they made a custom handle that said Stanweiser.

Sherry, Stan’s wife was also someone special outside of the bowling alley. She was a fifth grade elementary school teacher from Pismo Beach who also went to Cal Poly where she earned her teaching credential. You might think elementary teachers are conservative when it comes to drinking alcohol but that is far from the truth. Sherry and her teacher friends would meet up for happy hour every day after school. Margaritas, wine, beer, gin martinis and any vodka drink were always on the group bill. They once walked out of the restaurant bar with a $1200 tab. And it was on a Tuesday. She was teacher of the year and was known to engage with her students on a level no other teacher could. They always excelled on the state’s standardized testing exams and went off to have great careers in a variety of industries. She taught them about life not just what was in the text books. Her old students would always come back to see their past teacher, speaking with the kids about the real world and how they can do almost anything they wanted when they grew up. Her kids always paid attention to the speakers and lived by their words. Every day after the bell rang Sherry would rush to meet her teacher friends in the teacher’s lounge and plan out their next happy hour location. It was what they looked forward to when the kids got on their nerves. Which was always. Teaching elementary school is no walk in the park. It’s more of a run to the bar.

Pismo Beach, CA

In regards to the other couple Frank and Cindy, they were both from San Luis Obispo and currently live up the hill off Johnson Ave. Frank went to San Luis High and then Cal Poly where he studied business. He had his own boutique investment firm and controlled most of the money in San Luis Obispo. He was dialed in when it came to his own investments and would take these enormous unthinkable risks that would end up paying off big-time. He also took some massive losses that affected his marriage and relationships with his clients. He sometimes ran on impulse but could see into the future like no one else so his picks were constantly doubted by others. He had a drinking problem ever since high school so he was constantly on and off the sauce. They said he might have bipolar two disorder, but he was never diagnosed. He was sure the life of the party when young and old and was always the hardest drinker in his fraternity and bowling leagues. He was known to buy a pitcher for himself, drinking the whole thing from the pitcher and then going on to throw a strike almost every time. He always nailed the spare on those rare occasions. “Frank the Spank” they called him because he did it to the boys at the alley and did it to the girls in the bedroom.

Cindy, the wife of Frank was a real estate agent in San Luis Obispo County since she was in her early 20s. She knew everyone in town and watched the generations of kids grow up around her. She was everyone’s go to agent because her parents were both agents themselves being one of the most successful power couples on the Central Coast. She sold homes in Pismo Beach, Shell Beach, Arroyo Grande and San Luis. She sold houses, drank beer, vodka and wine like nobody’s business. Cindy was the best bowler in the group and averaged 285 and usually took the MVP trophy when they would clean house. When she wasn’t drinking beer, she was drinking vodka heavily but the more she drank the better she was. She used to wipe up the men and embarrass most of them that tried to compete with her. You would think she was going to break the pins each time she bowled. She was tall, blonde and very hot. She had the best looking calves and bowlers would drool over them when when watching her sensually and sexually roll the ball down the lane. That was how she got them. They were always flustered and you would watch men from other lanes slip up turning their heads when trying to bowl. It worked every time. Her perfect and beautiful face was all over the marketing material sucking in bowlers left and right. Her motto was keep the body tight and bowl for free all night.

As Stan and Sherry drove down the 101, they passed the Taft exit in Nipomo and Stan said to Sherry, “Remember when we crossed over the line at Cal Poly?” Stan and Sherry both went to Poly at the same time but they were just friends while attending. They partied hard together and somehow never did the deed. They hooked up five years later while drunk at the Cal Poly bowling alley. They did the duty in the bathroom and secured their new way of looking at their relationship. “That was so hot! Remember when we walked out of the girls room and the manger was walking in. She definitely knew something was up since we were sweating and breathing so hard! I can’t believe we got off scot-free.” This was the first time they got extra busy in the bathroom, but as time went on, they were doing this at almost every bowling alley. They were so sloppy from all of the pitchers of beer, that in between matches, they would disappear and come out looking completely relaxed and a little more sober looking. People figured it out and since they were so successful, the managers and owners just let it happen. Even the guests and competitors would walk in and here them moaning quietly to the best of their ability. Just like the excessive amount of beer they drank while bowling, these shenanigans kept the strikes coming.

Cindy was from Arroyo Grande and went to Cuesta College, but the couple met at a Cal Poly Sigma Chi, Alpha Phi party where Cindy was doing a keg stand and Frank randomly was the one holding her legs. She did one for two and a half minutes straight and walked off like it was nothing. Frank was following her around like a puppy dog for the rest of the night after the impressive display. They slept together that night and the rest was history. They always went out to dinner even though they were great cooks and would venture downtown to Novo, Luna Red, Giuseppe's Cucina Rustica and a few other downtown local favorites. When they went out to restaurants, they usually ordered local wine from Paso or the SLO Coast and at home they had a very nice wine room that you could hang out in and admire the walls filled with bottles dating back to 1979. As they were on their way to Rancho Bowl, Frank asked Cindy, “Do you think there will be some good wine at the alley? I heard they have a great bar.” “Yah, that’s what I heard too. My expectations are low because bowling alleys haven’t figured it out yet. If you have good wine, you will have a nice line!”

Frank and Cindy arrived to the parking lot first and Stan and Sherry rolled up a few minutes after. It’s been three weeks since they saw each other so they were excited to see and chat with one another. “How have you guys been?” asked Stan. “Doing well, just lots of work.” replied Frank. “How about you Cindy, are you ready to knock down some pins?” “You bet!” “Have you been bowling lately?” curiously asked Cindy. “A few months ago we went to bowl at Cal Poly.” Stan replied. The bowling bond came back and the first thing they thought about was the wine that put them all in the zone. “Do you think they will have anything good?” “I doubt it, but let’s go see.” Frank and Stan walked to the entrance together and chatted about work while Sherry and Cindy talked about some teacher gossip. “Do you know that one of our third grade teachers got so wasted at happy hour that they had to escort her out because she was yelling at the server for her drinks not tasting right. No one else had a problem with the same beverage that she ordered. This has happened before but this was really absurd. She sent back her drink three times and made us look so bad. We call her tight panties Patty.”

As the foursome walked in, they were shocked by how busy it was. The music was pumping, the colorful lights were flashing and the pins were cracking. They were all so enthusiastic when walking up to the counter to get their lanes for the night, they were happy to wait a bit until two of them had opened up. They had their own shoes and balls, so they just needed a place to get down to business. The gentlemen was so accommodating that while getting them set up, he saw two lanes open up right in front of them and he offered them to the crew. The timing was magical. It was like the bowling gods had opened up the lanes for them. Once they paid and had everything they needed, they went straight to the full bar. It was a real bar so they had everything you could imagine. On their way over, they saw a great menu with some food that looked like it was quality. The couple was not used to such a nice menu at a bowling alley before. “We will grab something after our first game.” said Stan fired up that this was all happening. While standing at the bar that was filled with guests,  Sherry kindly asked the bartender, “So what kind of wine do you have?

“We have a Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon that are our best sellers. We also have a list of specialty cocktails.” They all looked at the list and decided on three Rancho Marleys and the one glass of Chardonnay for Sherry. The rest of them wanted a strong kick to get the party started. They ordered their drinks which were quickly made even with the crowded bar and walked over to their two lanes side by side. They sat down, pulled out their balls and put on their shoes. “Ok, so we will play three games and compete against each other. Two out of three wins. Frank and Cindy vs Sherry and I. What do you think about a friendly wager?” asked Stan hoping for a little more action. “Of course, lets do it. $100 a game.” said Frank ready to rock and roll with the group. As things started out, everyone but Sherry had a tough start. She was on point and knocking down strikes left and right while the others were all over the place and struggling to keep up with her. Was it the wine that was taking care of her? It sure appeared that way. The others who ordered the cocktails, could not pull it together the first game. Sherry was on fire and started out with a 258. The rest were so bad that they were in the mid 100s. “You guys need to get it together.” confidently voiced Sherry laughing her way to the bank. Frustrated as can be Stan spoke up and said, “Ok, I am thinking it’s the wine.”

As they headed back to the bar, they decided to pass on the food and just get back to business. Sherry ordered her wine and the three others simultaneously said, “We will have what she is having!” The kind bartender grabbed three new glasses and filled everyone up with Chardonnay. As they got back to their lanes, they sat down, smelt and took their first sips. All of the sudden the three of them felt this charge of energy and confidence. They looked at Sherry and she winked at them seeing them all light up. Everyone was glowing now and ready for the next round of action. Sherry started out and threw a strike that just about smashed the pins in half. Stan went next and he did the same thing, just even harder. After that Frank and Sandy threw strikes that had the ideal spin, unlike their first round. As the four continued to bowl, it was strike after strike and no one seemed to be off. It was a beautiful thing because it was such a poor first round for everyone but Sherry. It was pretty obvious what the difference was. “Sherry, I think it’s the wine.” Frank commented as he continued to bowl with perfection. The four of them got on a roll and were on their way to being the only foursome to throw perfect games in the history of the bowling alley. “Smash, Smash, Smash and Smash!” and the four of them did the unspeakable. They pulled it off. Four 300 scores. The crowd at the alley was watching every roll, surprised that the strikes just kept coming. It was huge cheers for the second round. They all knew what was going on because it was pretty clear. After the perfect second game they went back to the bar and ordered four glasses of Cab. They were back to the lanes, buzzed from the wine and perfect scores that the next round the same thing happened as they were on another roll close to another perfect game. The crowd grew and really had no idea how they were all doing this. It was loud eruptions after each strike. They all ended up with perfect games again and before they went home they needed to take pictures for their incredible display. Word was traveling after the perfect second round that the local news KSBY was there interviewing the group. “How did you guys do it?” asked Richard Gearheart. Sherry looked at the group then looked at the camera and said. “It is the wine!” Everyone was shocked because bowling and beer was the official combo leading up to this historic night. As Sherry was wrapping things up, she closed the interview with, “Bowling alleys need to step up their wine game!” The foursome decided that night that they were going to go on a crusade making sure bowling alleys did just that. The End

Pismo Beach, CA